Life's Sideshow...

2006-03-25T16:29:00.000-04:00

BRB

2005-12-06T13:16:00.000-04:00

Well, School is over. I will be gone until January so post to you guys then, bye...

Aniversary

2005-12-02T09:05:00.000-04:00

Well, tomorrow's my parent's Aniversary, I'm not sure how many years but I think it's 12 or 13? Oh well, it's weird though, my parents fight so much but they're still together. They've been through hell, they lost two kids, my two little brothers, moved constantly, it's just weird.

Army?

2005-12-02T08:50:00.000-04:00

Well, my birthday is in 20 days, and I'm not sure I'm that happy about it. I recieved something from the army when I graduated from High School, and it said I had signed up for the army and as soon as I turn 18 that I'll be in it because of the Pell-Grant Tuition. I don't believe in the Army, seriously, I don't see how you defend your country putting inocent men in the line of fire, just because this old geever decides to call war. How many soldiers haven't already died? And I personally don't believe in killing others, no matter how tempted I feel to kill some people sometimes. I am so against war, politics, killing, what's the point? Why do we have to go to war?

It Was You

2005-12-01T08:35:00.000-04:00

It was you that made me love
It was you that made me live
It was you that made me feel all things things I feel today

I just want to say that Michelle was and still is the most special person in my life. Last night we were talking and just felt like we were still together. I remembered the nights we spent together, the hours on the couch just staring at each other. The time we went to the park next to her house and we kissed while falling on the slide. The time I didn't go to work just to be with her, and I waited for her while she was in her modeling class, then we were together the whole day. I miss those days in which we were in school and we used to sit on the bench to just look at each other then those random kisses that came once in a while. I really need to be with her, I need to just see her in front of me, maybe to just look at each other endlessly. It wa the greatest time ever just to be with her or to talk with her on the telephone, just hearing the things she comes up with. And all those little fights we used to have when she would just say,"Ay Juan ya!" And then we'd be kissing endlessly on her couch. Or when I used to play with her ear and she'd end up laughing her beautiful laugh. I really need her right now cause I love her and it's obvious that I can't live without her.

Tears, sweat and lots of penicillin

2005-11-30T10:09:00.000-04:00

So I've had this cold for a while, since Friday before Thanksgiving, now I have to take Penicillin. And nothing else is new in my life, I guess I feel just like Michelle did once, like if I'm just waiting for something but at the moment I don't know what it is, or maybe I do but I don't want to accept it.
Here's a bit of psychology;
The human mind is divided into four parts

The part everyone knows Including you What you only know

What everyone but you know What nobody but your inner selfconscience knows

Interesting Maybe!?!

For those who understand chocolate is mine only!?! You know who you are

Dancing in the Rainshower of tears

2005-11-28T09:07:00.000-04:00

It's so incredible the things that go through the human mind when it's most vulnerable to anything. From Wednesday to Sunday I was thinking about Michelle and how she has this whole dilemma about getting over me. I wish I could just give her hope, about us but how? I mean, we live miles apart, she can't handle distance, I can't either, but at least knowing I have someone on the other side lets me live in peace, but it's over. No matter how much I regret that night we stood in front of each other with that gate between us, and I told her to not say it was goodbye but maybe a see you later. Then when she was about to leave and turns to me and kisses me on the lips. That kiss that seemed to last forever, and then that moment we let go my world shattered. This emptiness filled my insides, my chest caved in, my breath left my body and tears washed my face, just like they're about to now. Then walking back to my house I felt rain drops slowly tap my head and shoulders. Walking to my house was endless, it felt like walking in the desert, but with pavement and rain, lots of rain. I felt that at that moment I was starting to lose it all. When I got to my house I cried the endless cries I hadn't cried in years. All those years of torment, mistreatment, anger, every feeling posible that I could ever feel just made me feel down. I've taken this new role in my life, as the guy you'd never want to be, but looking at how I came to be who I am today, just makes my life a bit more beautiful. I wouldn't trade anything about my life, not even the pain, who else would know how to handle it but me. By the way, look out for my book, The Scene, I don't know when it'll be out, but it's just mostly about this young boy living and surviving his own desisions, heck I just started it the other day, but I have so much to write, just in case, yes this is the book of my life portrayed in someone else. Michelle, I love you.

Blah?

2005-11-15T09:37:00.001-04:00

So I know I haven't posted in a long while. School's almost over, me and Michelle broke up, I moved to Yabucoa, My sex life is dead, music is beautiful, college is stupid, my friends...I don't know? What to say I feel like crap everyday, I guess I've lost a lot of things these past months. I just hope I don't lose my sanity, It's all I have left...Until a time where I can write calmly, goodbye.

Forever Yours

2005-10-26T08:42:00.000-04:00

I don't know anything about anything at all. I love you too, there's no changing that, moving on well, I have no idea about that, all I know is that i never wanted to be away from you anyway. Being this far away and trying to figure out if we should or shouldn't move on is torturing I don't plan on moving on, you know that I still have faith in our future, together, and I am not in anyway going to try to replace you or forget you or try and think that you were something that just happened for a while, I still love you and I wish I could be with you everyday. And can anybody tell me WHY I CAN'T READ MY EMAILS?!?!?!?! I love you and I hope that you never forget that

move on?

2005-10-25T20:15:00.000-04:00

I hate this phrase " you should just move on"...
The thing is no one understands that even though am not with you, I still have feelings for you.
Lots of them! I know I am just too stubborn. I know both you and I have the right to make up our lives again, but I just don't want to move on. You are my everything, my heart is all yours and I can't take that back, you own my love and I don't want to change that. I don't want to scare you, if I do I apologize, I don't want you to feel like if I am in someway clingy or something. You know I feel all these things but I know you do to. Tell me what you want me to do. Do you want me to move on? Whatever you decide I'll understand... still love you! 4-ever urs,miky

Us Guys...

2005-10-10T09:04:00.000-04:00

Isn't it incredible how we guys can be such jerks. I mean, look at me, I haven't seen Michelle in a months and a week or two...(that's to long...) and while she's sad cause we haven't seen each other, of course I am to ( I'm so depressive I've lost 6 pounds... 122lbs to 116), but I call her telling her something I've done which I feel was wrong after all this time without seeing each other. just in case no I did not cheat on her. and I just made her feel worse, why were we born with testosterone? But beside's that we aren't all that bad, are we?

Boo Hoo Who?

2005-09-29T09:22:00.000-04:00

Well the time is almost here and my parents are moving, this really sucks. To see Michelle, well it's going to be harder, but I'll try my best. University life is boring I would do anything to go back to 12th grade it was the best, I have an A in spanish, that good, a B in biology, a B in social science and tuesday I have a test in Human Culture, or humanidades as it's called here, or huma. Well the people here in the University are selfish pricks who think they own the world just because they've been here a month, and really, it's hard to sustain a conversation with anyone, i have this friend here which I do talk to, she's one of the few which I can sustain a converstion with, it's very interesting to talk with her çause she's a female version of me! Which I always thought would be repulsive and obscene, but she's nice to get along with, beside's her there's this other girl who's the kind of surfer like but she's never been on one, and she fun to be with not to talk to, cause she's always spaced out, but we laugh and joke around in huma. Just in case, yes I do know and accept that it's easier for me to make friends with girls than with guys, but no, I am not and will ever be unfaithful to michelle. The fact is, it's hard enough being in one relationship to have another?( just joking) but seriously, I don't ever want to be with anyone else but Michelle. I don't know why sex seems to be a complicated thing to talk about with Michelle, it's so hard to say no but a relief to know you're not doing anything, I love Michelle too much to do it at this point in the relationship, Baby I love you. We've been five months, two weeks and three days together, and I find it incredible that it feels so much longer, it's like an eternity, but I've been loving this eternity. Well bye...

Sorry bout that

2005-09-16T09:18:00.000-04:00

yeah sorry, I know I said that I was going to stop posting but I guess I just can't decide to leave just like that. I love doing this when I actually do this right, so this is my anti- leaving promise, I will not stop blogging!

Goodbye

2005-09-13T11:58:00.000-04:00

This is my last post. I've decided to apart from anything that reminds me I exist. Goodbye Michelle, Harper, Anna, Family, Friends, people who read this blog for no reason at all, Maybe someday I'll return, for now I'm just not here...

Hello again

2005-08-30T10:51:00.000-04:00

Hello everyone, I guess I haven't posted in a long while, but what can I say college finally has me working, not really. But college life has been fun there's no real pressure, It's like a kiddie coaster, small twist and turns but nothing big. So this thursday I have my first big exam it's terrible but I really don't care I'm confident in myself, although it's from spanish class I'm really relaxed.
So me and Michelle? Well, that's been hard, being distant and stuff but we'll get through it, we love each other so there's no real reason to be scared of this time apart. I never felt like this this before, I've never had such a strong feeling of love towards someone but now I do, and it's beautiful. I miss Michelle so much, I miss her smile, her eyes, her yelling at me then she says she's not yelling, and all those small simple things you never notice about a person. Michelle I love you.
So Harper, how are things over there? Hows School? Don't stress out, bye

Le Magique de le Boredom

2005-08-15T11:43:00.000-04:00

You have no idea the things I've come up with the past week to kill my boredom. I've slept, played guitar, and slept. Now that's amazing, I'm really looking foward to vissiting Michelle this weekend! It's going to be the greatest, unless something out of the ordinary happens and, I don't know? Well I guess I have nothing else to say...Bye?

hello...

2005-08-14T18:41:00.000-04:00

Hi you guys it's me Michelle!
As I once said, I was going to keep you updated... so now i am.
Its been a week since I last saw my boyfriend! I have to say it was one of the hardest weeks of my life. Well, at first it wasn't that hard I was saying to myself this is going to be easier that I imagine, well it got worst I started missing my boyfriend and I had no way of communicating with him. that was pretty frustrating, but on tuesday my boyfriend called and I was all happy again. Little did I know it was going to get pretty ugly! This past friday we celebrated our fourth month together as a couple, miles away from each other, he did call, but I felt like dying. I couldn't believe I wasn't going to be able to be with him! I was seriously crushed, so I broke down in tears, to this point I still haven't seen him since he moved away! Still I am hopful that i'll get to be with him this next weekend. Hopefully! Anyways, you guys I have to go, still i'll keep in contact with you 2! Good luck 2 you, stay sweet, take care! l8r! att, Michelle

p.s. I LOVE YOU JUAN!

Umm...Yeah?

2005-08-10T14:07:00.000-04:00

College is sooo boring, I have this great free time of four and a half hours... Yup, this really sucks. Today I was given this project in which I have to work with three other students...Well, before leaving the class we decided we were going to meet at the libary at 10:20, I got out of class at 10:30, but I still went to the library... Blah blah blah...they didn't show up...I was there at 10:30, I waited till 11:45, came to the computer lab, went back to the library, walked around the library's three floors...started to search for them around the whole library, searched for them around the University, I risked be iniciated, and still I didn't find them...This really sucks!!! But anyway, I went to Radioshack and I checked out the laptops, the guy wanted to sell me a big combo, printer, camera and laptop I was trying to understand what part of me saying, "I have the printer and camera did he not understand. I've found out that this world is full of ignorant people, and they'll do anything to get their ways. In a certain way I find this to be incredibly interesting, I mean, the stress that people go to to just sell you something, the funny part his when they don't know doodle about what they're selling, I started asking him aboutwhat programs the laptop came with, then he started reading from his computer the laptop's specifications, like if I don't know what a USB port is. Changing the subject completely, my biology Professor is funny. I learned today how to kill a cockaroach, (don't we all need to know that?), and also that germs live anywhere dark and moist, example; armpits, mouth, ears, nose, vagina(ha ha ha). The last one I came up with that, me being a former sexaholic, well...I think about these things at the least thought of moment, it's funny, it can even be considered hilarious, just ask Michelle about the things I can come up with in Church...Speaking of church(man I really have a lot to say!) I'm searching for God in church here in Yabucoa...Yeah I know most of you don't have the lest bit of an idea where that is, blah blah blah...Ummm...So with nothing else that comes to mind I am off to keep searching the web...bye

College

2005-08-09T11:35:00.000-04:00

Hey guys College sucks! It's not that big a deal, it's just bigger. I've been able to avoid getting "prepa", in english i think it's to be iniciated, i guess it's tradition but I don't plan to get get wet with a super soaker in school, it's freaking embarasing, but it's to dance or get wet. good question...

Its time!

2005-08-06T20:45:00.000-04:00

hey guys its me michelle! Just writting to let you guys know today is the last day my boyfriend is going to live near by me. He is leaving tomorrow! still dont know what time but it is really sad, this whole factor of he leaving for college. It is going to feel so strange, we where so use to seen each other everyday, hanging out in my house, or going out to watch a movie! now i am only going to get to see him on weekends, but not for long cause his parents are planning on moving too. As you all know! then i'll only get to see him once a month. I know it is hard, but i still have to be optimistic! and i know we are going to get through this, it might not be as it used to be , cause we are going to live lots of miles away, but we'll make it. I know so! so thanx again 4 been so supportive and 4 caring so much! and dont worry we'll keep u updated! thanx bye!

Alarmed?

2005-07-30T21:22:00.000-04:00

Please, my mind is just a playground of mass destruction. I guess if you ask if you should be alarmed, I should say yes, but then again, why? Why would anyone be alarmed? Why do we worry? Is it not obscenely noticeable the fact that all we are is dust. Just like that song from Kansas, Dust in the Wind. We are all in prepetual danger. Life holds nothing but mystery. I don't understand the fact that life is joy, 'cause personally, it isn't, not for me. I do understand that it brings joy, in some ways, and that if concentrate long enough we can actually forget life's troubles but still, where would that take us? I've started my life with God. And somehow, life just seems shorter, although we are eternal, but it's so weird. Death was never a concern for me. Afraid of death? No, never. Afraid of dying, yes. It's the loss of what we have that provokes this, at least I think so. But, at the end of it all, should we worry? If we are with God, Should we worry? Life for me has taken so many unexpected turns, I don't know if I'm coming or going? Hey, you know what why care? lets just pretend it's all going to be fine.

The Dying Process

2005-07-28T22:06:00.000-04:00

As the impact of the harshness of life withers in your heart, time slowly fades away. The breaths taken seem to have no end. A spinning wheel of rambling thoughts, just spins round and round. As you close your eyes the thoughts become clearer, they seem like pictures on a spinning wheel. As soon as they clear up they stike your heart with the evil the held, the evil that wasn't noticed, the evil in which everyone had inside. You watch the scene, the pictures, it all turns into a dagger which stabbed the very inside of the heart. One scene, just the last one strikes you the hardest. Here you see all those people you ever loved, and loved you back. They surround you, in an odd way. They're facing are impossible to see, but still you know who they are. Your body is in pain, and it's imposible to move. Your breath just stops. The loved ones around you from a dark wall that imprisons you. More agonizing pain strains you. Gasping for air you try to scream, but it's useless. Your chest closes in, you wither, you die. But somewhere inside you don't realize it. Then it all turns black, you are lost in time and space, just in an eternal silence and darkness, till that moment finally comes...

It's just life, right?

2005-07-25T15:48:00.000-04:00

Well, it's been fun the whole being with Michelle, but the time for me to go is getting closer. The fact is that I wasn't sad that I was leaving 'cause my parents were staying near by, so as I visited them I would come see Michelle. The thing is that now my parents are moving in November and now I have no way of coming here on weekends. I love Michelle very much, but my parents are only in the disposition to bring me here once a month, and...

yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!111

2005-07-12T10:48:00.000-04:00

I can't believe it Michelle and I have been together for three whole months. It's been wonderful! more than wonderful spectacular! I can't believe I love her so much it just wonderful! Hello to everyone, I'm happy, Anyone notice? Of course! Well the only thing that would make this better would be to be in Vancouver tonight, to be at the Warped tour of Atreyu, one of the best freaking bands around! Well, people in Vancouver enjoy the concert! I'll be here enjoying myself with Michelle! I love her so much! Umm... Bye?

Thanks

2005-07-10T23:07:00.000-04:00

Hey people it's Michelle, I just wanted to express my appreciation towards Harper. Hey man thanks for been such a great person and been so supportive. I am really glad I met someone like you and anna! You guys are really nice people and I really appreciate the interest you guys have put in our relationship! We are extremely happy right now everything is going just fine, really hope it stays that way. I really wish you guys all the happiness in the world! thanks once again for all the advice given! Take care and don't worry we'll let you guys know anything! bye! l8r